-Thursday at X-hotel with guru douchebag from Pickup 101

-Thursday night I went to X hotel. The quality was for what was there, fucking hot. Crowd was abit small though but it was all good. I was out with my usual two other wings but I was excited not only because I was wearing my new favourite shirt that says "SHINES LIKE GOLD" but we where meeting up with an apparent "guru" from the east and he was going to give us free lessons.

So me and Lestat walk up into the spot and I'm already checking all the fly hunnies about and we meet up with Notorious outside and sure enough we see the "guru" talking with a group of girls. The one girl he was talking to was average but she was into him - well it looked solid from where I was standing.

I pinched a light from an old bloke who was to old to be up in the pub but good on him for trying to spread his seed, he starts giving me some for my "Shines like gold" shirt, of course it was nothing and I simply steered this into just general fluff talk (I needed to warm up and lets be honest - I would've massacred him). He's a teacher if ya'll are interested in having the seed sprayed onto your stomach while he cringes in delight. We joked about being up in the hotel looking for the glorious snizz anyways while I'm thinking who is this mad old bloke right there in the club solo up comes a suitable old bird for our old teacher man. Old teacher man works his drunken maggot magic while I just voyeured as he spat his game at someone's mum. Mum does the universal screwface and while I'm standing there also momentarily talking with old teacher man she utters at him regarding me "This is my son..."

I'm like "Uh okay...Hi mum" and instantly wrap my arm around "mum", I'm also talking some random mess and old teacher man is like "Really? You guys mother and son? Nooooooooo...really...?"
"Yes." I reply.
At which point after the awkwardness on his part old teacher man bails. Shame really he should've kept going I wasn't really interfering "mum" gives me a thanks for the interference I illusionally put up so I go "Heyyyy why not him? He was hot! Should've gone him."
"I'm not desperate." she says with a giggly smile
"Aigghhttt"
"Mum" introduces me to her two other old mates rocking a pink sweater and a woolly kmart zig zag vest and the other in comfortable sweats, that's it. Lets just say fuck knows how they got in... :P

I'm warming up discussing how they all think I look younger and I like it like that and Notorious interupts me and introduces me to the "guru". He was a short pencil neck white bloke but I'm still showing love.
"Sup man," I said with pleasentry's.
The four of us went up stairs and the "guru" was already looking out for something to approach. He asked for a sidekick and Notorious obiliged and probably fucked it up for him because they where back pretty quickly and the "guru" was apparently a superstar.

While they where working something I approached two beautiful women by the bar doorway. A 7.5 and a 7.
"Hey can I ask you guys a question this'll take a second...
A little startled while her friend was fingering her mobile she uttered "Ah okay sure..."
"Are you guys having an average night, a better than average night or a shitter than average night?"
"Haha, we just got here so I don't know yet..."

I wasn't prepared for that little contingency because this was the first time I was spitting this shit. I plowed and vibed it alittle more naturally even though I wasn't rolling with nothing. Nevertheless they left, so it didn't hook. :/

Two other hunnies where close to us by the bar and the "guru" opened and got nothing but then reopened when they bought their drinks and stood by a high table. I commend him for that. He was in from what I could see and this time I came in to give him back up. The beautiful 7.5 specimen I was talking to had just turned 18 and she asked if I was from Melbourne. (That's where the "guru" was from) We talked alittle more and I uttered stuff I can't remember before they both left.

Afterwards just standing around with our pack I noticed that the "guru" tried to give me shit. Fuck knows what his prob was but I served it right back, I didn't give a fuck if people pay him to hang out. From here on I refered to him as the douche bag.

Douche bag did some douche laps and did some douche dance on the dance floor douching it up trying to give out advice to my two friends who where interested in what the douche had to say. Douche bag thinks he's good but he's doucheeeeeeeee and then some.

I went for a smoke, downstairs on the outside balcony I see this ugly bird and what looks like her older hotter friend who is a 7.5 I opened with the same survey line.
"I'm having a crap night" replied the older hotness while her ugly friend readied her shut down moves she uses when everyone ignores her to speak to her hotter friends. Her screwface was evident in my peripheral.
The ugly chick said something but I honestly can't remember, it was inconvieniant though and I just ignored it. She interupted regularly but I really can't remember and to be honest that's how she was easily dealt with;
"How could we make this night better for you." I said
"Get rid of you." She said drunkenly smugly
"Haha why would you want to do that when everything I say is gold"
"Oh yeh? What makes everything you say gold"
"Dunno but it says it on my shirt" pointing to my top
She looked at my 10 deep top and said "You just went up ten points."
"Good to know. You ever played shabbadabba ding dong?"
I did the 5 questions drink hustle game on her and won. Twice. She just flatly refused to buy a drink. Fucking cheap ho.

I continued with nothing rolling seeing as it was technically the second time tonight I was doing this. We fluffed about the school they use to go to, it was generally okay and I was confident with nothing phasing my inflappable exterior they just walked off after awhile awkwardly even though they tried to embarrass me but nothing done. Sorry I don't give a fuck.

Just right after a foxy blonde wearing tight denim hip hugging hipsters and a kiss tshirt with a vest had came onto the balcony, she was looking for a smoke and scored one off me. I didn't have a light so she got it off another bloke and came straight back to me. I decided to have another smoke cause cancers all good with me just introduce me to more foxy blondes please.

"Check out my packet of smokes, it's awesome." I said. On my dunhill blues was a picture of a heart bypass surgery and tweezers being held by a surgeon's hand prodding the insides of some poor bastard's stomach. Under it I had written "Mmmmmmmm this is good chinese!!"
"Thanks now I can't have chinese ever again." she smiled

We randomly fluffed and I was starting to find my feet. Unfortunately this lovely 8 was 28 years old and married to some somebody who managed a club up the street. I'm not one to break up anyone's marriage because honestly I have clout and wouldn't want that shit happening to me. No it's not an excuse and who knows if she was or wasn't really married but I'm not going to kill anyones commited relationship it's just bad karma, fuck what the community says. She was a nice girl and we kept on talking randomly. Notorious interjected from outside and said he was leaving to go to the club up the road, douche bag came up with him. The shock horror douche bag decides to work a steal and starts to spit his bullshit on my 28 year old married blonde
"Hey where'd you get the kiss t-shirt?" Said the douche bag through his transformed social mask, he then went on about how he's from a city in the east and fashion this and that on some avenue he walks on where you can get good original stuff. Pffftt. I failed to claim her back once and maybe even a second time hell, he even had me standing silent for a couple moments but I interupted the third time when the subject was about music "Hey do you like arctic monkeys!" I exclaimed.

That was all it took, 28 year old married foxy blonde was mine again and talking with your hero. Mr Pickup 101 instructor douche bag from the east who people pay upwards of 1500 dollars US plus to hang out while he spits his robotic advice was blown out by yours truly who isn't even that good. Bye motherfucker, serves you right. Oh look that's fucking twice? Hahahahahaha oh... and guess who got her number?

zib