-LR Zib fucks up Melbourne

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Okay let’s update this bitch with some real content. This will be a long one but stick around, there is info about how I got a girl from one of those designer fashion stores and we all know how fucking smoking hot they are. (Ctrl+F search LR: Zib fucks up Melbourne if you'd like to skip)

But first let’s catch up alittle…

I was at sapphire and had just gone through this whole bullshit process on the Friday night to get my mate into the club when by the time I had given him my shoes and we swapped back through the small hole off onto the side of the gated fence there was already quite a line, so I’m standing there lining up and next to me walking up plugging away on her phone come’s this gorgeous girl with gorgeous gorgeous tittie’s.

“Hey” I say
“Hi” she replies

And we started chatting about random shit and pretty soon we where holding hands in the line and after another while I went in for a kiss and she moved back shyly at first and said “Nooo we’re not even in the club yet…”
“Haha, you can’t blame me for trying though right? Look at you. So yum.” said with a cool smile. As the line progressed we where keeping each other warm hugging and we kept the banter going,

“This is shit you guys should just go to your place.” Said my friend standing behind me
“Yeah okay I can take you home if you want.” She said haha

I don’t know what I was thinking but I opted to stay in the line, I think it had something to do with my friend going back home to London the next day. Anyway her friends came out and they are saying “Hey it’s shit let’s go…” and she says “Hey I’m going to run and go to Northbridge, you’re welcome to come?”
I got the math and a hot kiss goodbye and instead decided to go inside. After an hour or so inside I decided yeah this is pretty shit what the fuck was I thinking so I messaged her and said “Hey I change my mind this is shit, can you come back and pick me up.”
After a couple drinks and general partying with the mates I totally forget and look at my phone and there is a message “Hey, I’m outside can you come outside babe xx”
Shit, I didn’t hear it come in and I replied probably a good while later saying “Sorry I missed you…whoops”. No response. Oh well haha

On Saturday I went to Seven Sea’s, it’s new and hot for those into those bohemian alternative style house type amplifier chicks, they’re yummy as and it’s up on Beaufort. Classy spot yeh. On the balcony I spent an hour talking shit making her laugh only to tell me she has a husband, this happened twice but inbetween that I was at the bar and this hot little brunette with a lovely lovely rack comes by and I go “Hey”
We smile and talk and she says “Wow you’re not like other guys.” I take that as cool let’s go for the number and she gives a stock standard “No we can’t, I just met you and stuff…”. We where only talking for about five minutes. “I say why are you making this hard? Just exchange numbers you win okay, I’ve been seduced yay, hooray!” She laughs and we swap the math and she tells me to call her but the problem is I forgot her name but her number is in my phone somewhere and basically I have to go through this roll call of calling all the girls names I don’t recognise in my phone to find it, that will be fun. Later my friend told me he was cutting my lunch talking to her and all she spoke about was me and it was pissing him off haha.

That same night my other friend told me he liked this girl but there was some blonde model looking guy getting really really close. I don’t really like doing this but I love my mates so I say “Hey what’s up” to the girl and we begin talking shit and brad pitt which long hair is just standing there, I can’t remember what I said but it was cool I think because she said “Hey you’re funny!” and the blonde guy we called “Thor” bailed afterwards. I let my mate take over who knows what happened, later that night she was coming down stairs and we exchanged numbers and I said when are you taking me out? She goe’s “How’s your tomorrow?”. Woah haha. I politely left because I don’t cut lunch. She was smoking though.

On Sunday at Bris I was chilling with Silvers, Droog, and J2A. J2A had been talking to these fine ass blondes and wanted a wing.

After they blatantly ignored us when we came up (They where chatting about some bloke), I shouted over the top of them something like “Oi! HELLO!” and then J2A did his thing with his and I stepped to mine. She was ignoring me hard at first so I say…

“Hey what where you guys discussing because I’m like doctor Phil and I know what I’m doing and I solve everybody’s problems easy.” She laughed which broke down her defences and she tells me about how she hates men. I tell her I hate men also and I start singing her the Destiny’s Child – Independent Women song which sounds fucking dorky as hell but trust me she is now in stitches. After ages together this girl is very vibrant and bubbly and this bouncer comes in and starts talking shit hugging her. I say without missing a beat “Hey man, shouldn’t you be standing guard?” He fucks off, then this other mildly old looking stooge comes in and hits on J2A’s girl and we’ve been there for fucking yonkers and I’m not going anywhere. He then says to my girl “Hey, I’m still coming over right?” trying to fuck with me but I know he’s bluffing and I say.
“Hey…whose dad is this?”
He tells me that they’ve been seeing each other a long time and they’re very into each other" saying this as he's kissing her on the cheek with his arms around her, I say
“Yeah I know I can tell you’re very attractive.”
“Are you being sarcastic mate?”
“Nah bro I’m actually really into you and could see how it works.” I say with a polite smile looking him dead in the eye. He fucks off. And I start chatting with my girl again and she says “I met him only tonight” We laugh and I tease her about being into sixty year olds. After awhile she bubbly bounces off again and this time I use Droog who is passing by and chit chat with him so I don't look like a total loner (thanks buddy). She comes back finally and after more random funny shit (sorry guys it’s all off the head and hard to remember) she asks me for my number, more talking ensues then I dare her to make out with her friend. She does just that and I slap them both on the ass while they’re being Lesbos’s. All the bouncers at the door are gawking and a bouncer say’s to me “You should be looking at that mate.”
I say “Yeah you would haha.”
I like my girls innocent so I bail

Then I went to Melbourne for three days.

LR: Zib fucks up Melbourne

On my second day there I was zig zagging through the inner city and I walked into this designer clothing store. I see this hot hot smoking blonde with giant titties on a hot slim body serving this stooge from fuck knows. After listening in I could tell he was having a crack himself haha but sorry my friend I decided she would be mine. I took my time looking through all the gear and finally he leaves.

“Hey can I help you with anything?” She says with a sales smile.
“Yeah I’m looking for one of those Alfie trench coats and scarves everyone’s rocking here in Melbourne, everyone’s so cool with those and I want to fit in.”
“Haha okay, well we have….(blah blah blah sales pitch point to coat)”
“Whoa, damn girl you’re going for my jugular early, this is a 600 buck jacket my wife would kill me if I bought this and I don’t know how I’d pay off the mortgage and support the kids if I came home with one of these.”
“You have a wife and kids and a mortgage?”
“Haha no silly your cute haha, so where am I suppose to go in Melbourne for fun?”

We have a long convo about clubbing and I find out she’s from Perth and I ask if the Northbridge Melbourne equivalent is just as seedy?

“Haha yes it is, in fact my first night here I got bashed some bitch came up and started hitting me from behind.”
“Well she didn’t do a good job, because you’re still beautiful.” I said with a straight face. I see her melt in front of me and she grabs my arm
“AAaaaaaaaaaawww you’re so nice...”

That was all she wrote after this, this and also after that she told me she gets in anywhere because all she has to do is shakes her cans and she does this with me standing right in front of her *showing me a titty shake dance* and it was simply;
“(Hmm right.) Hey can I pinch your number so you can show me around, I ain’t here long though.”
“Yeah sure.”

Afterwards I continued around the city texting her throughout the day and it got really sexually heated. It is now around 6 o’clock and she tells me to come back to the store just as my battery is dying. I walk in and it’s me and her but their is a slight problem, she is now being abit cold like an ice queen but as a man who is unbreakable and don’t give a fuck, I flip that shit around instantly (It’s all in the demeanour). She has to cash up and I have to go outside, I can’t be fucked walking her to her tram because I’m suppose to go to a restaurant with a couple mates. She says;

“So what you’re not gonna walk me?”
“Well to be honest I have somewhere else to be.”
“Wow, if you stayed I would have got with you, but now you’re getting nothing.”
“Oh well.” As I start to leave…
“Hey I’m serious I may of even kissed you.”
While she’s standing at the shop door I move in and kiss her and say
“But I already have it...”
“Haha, youuuuuuuuu…go away!” she says smilingly.

Afterwards I organised for her to meet me tomorrow at 9 o’clock in the fucking morning the next day. I have to shop later. Telling her to come to my place and she goes “Haha you wish!” but agreed to see me at 9am the next day.

That night I was hanging out with my best mates’ mum’s cousin. Being a calm cool kind mofo has its drawback’s. After my friends aunty takes us out and my friends who are a couple bail, she starts to hit on me. She is forty plus with a current husband and three kids and three restaurants which are raking in money. Just goes to show money isn’t everything… anyway it didn’t stop this from happening.

In a club called revolver I walk up to the bar and walk back across the dance floor seated by a pool table, this girl who is fine has blatantly followed me and sat next to me, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit I love this city.

“Hey.”
“Hi what’s your name haha?”

After we talk for abit I’m feeling ballsy and say;

“Hey let me show you a magic trick, can you close your eyes for me and cover your eyes with your hands...” She does just that and I kiss her. After making out she says;
“Haha oh shit we can’t do this! My husband is just over there!”
“Whoops…sorry girl I’m not a home wrecker myself.”

She leaves and I think it's done but a minute later she comes back with her finer, younger, hotter sister and sits her down! Did I mention I love this city?

“Hey this is the guy I told you about from Perth, see how fucking gorgeous he is.”
“Yes he is!” said her sister. Done and done and fucking done.

I literally have the same basic convo with her and I say “Hey you want to see a magic trick?” we kiss.
“Wow does that work on every girl you do that with?”
I say “I dunno but it worked on your sister.”
She laughs and we chat some more and I organise to meet her tomorrow and I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to do this in between meeting the fashion girl tomorrow, shopping and catching a plane home at 8.

My friend’s aunty has seen this go down and now the bouncer won’t let us up because we "looked too smashed". On the way home she tries harder to get something happening and I duck and weave these kiss attempts like a classy boxer and use excuses like “But you’re my best friend’s aunty and you have three fucking kids and a husband you’re married too!” Legitimate yes? Taxi pulls up and she straddles me with the fucking taxi man sitting right there and almost rapes me. I suplex her off, get inside thank fuck and I sleep till 8. I realise I can’t be assed to get up and move the date to 11.

We meet at Flinders and I go for broke and say “It’s cold, come to my place” and we walk to where I’m staying. She’s being a bit ice queeny, but once again all this is trumped when you’re just cool and calm. (Seriously that’s all you need and the entire shit storm gets taken care of for you if in front of everything if you’re simply sure of yourself and inject some light hearted humour in there somewhere – easy.). I didn’t tell you guys before but my friend is the conservative type and he said “No girls allowed over my place!” Pretty weak I know but he is still my friend.

I pop on the laptop with a movie and we make out and I get “But I don’t even know you!”
“Yes I know”, we kiss some more, get naked and she’s in her panties’ with E-size fucking titties bouncing about I shit you not! And I get “But I don’t even know you!”, “Yes I know” panties off to the side a bit of fingering they come off and out comes this sexual beast! And from 11 till 4 we fuck away the afternoon six times with rest breaks inbetween, it was brilliant and I remember the hair pulling and her screaming in her pillow and oh man holy hell it was hot…

Afterwards I’m getting chick insight and she tells me about guys who have been chasing her for years, she literally has some poor bastard who decided “You’re the one for me!” and didn’t relent and at first she was nice with the rejections but with his continued yearly persistence she had to and got meaner and meaner and has been with other guys which he has seen and he’s still chasing her, one time the dude crawled across a hotel lobby on all fours because she ordered it. Also the stooge in the shop before I first met her had been in before three times previous and bought a different 600 dollar jacket each time the sucker, he also went for her number butttttttttttttttt no dice. The whole time we where fucking I’m getting calls from my friends aunty and the hot sister from the night before which I managed to let know I couldn’t make to the date cos you know…

Then we decided to be funny cunts and she calls her sister and it went something like;
“Guess what? I just had the hottest sex with this guy I met yesterday!”
“Haha you fucking slut! How come so early, you're supposed to go out with them for awhile first?”
“I couldn’t help it; he said and did all the right things! We are going to go another round do you want me to leave the phone on so you can listen in?”
“Haha nah that’s alright, have fun fucking randoms.”

Then we fucked again. Then I flew home that now and we now send each other text messages like “Oh how I wish your vice like tight pussy was still wrapped around my hard throbbin cock” and "Your dick tasted so delicious when it was slamming against the back of my throat, fuck I'm wet just thinking about u"

Man I miss her already =(

zib